Help! I have a serious case of post-travel blues…
Hey everyone,
So I’m writing this post with a bit of a heavy heart. I have been feeling so so down lately, and a bit lost, and I just don’t know where to turn to or what to do about it really, other than write it all down a big long blog post and try to work out what the hell is wrong with me!
As most of you will know, I recently returned from the trip of a lifetime across America. I had the best time of my whole life and made friends with so many new people, most of whom are now lifelong friends. We have become so close and I miss them all dearly, every single day. They all live in Australia and New Zealand, which makes it even harder when you live the other side of the world in rainy old England! I talk to most of them as much as I can – thank god for FaceTime! – and we all keep in touch on our group Facebook, but it’s just not the same!
I’ve experienced travel blues before, I often feel a bit down when I’m back from a holiday or city break, I guess it’s only normal, but this is a whole different thing all together. I’m experiencing something I’ve never dealt with before, I’m sad all the time and I feel low even when I have other people around me, like my amazing family and my friends from home. I guess it’s the intensity of being with so many people for such a long time, living with them day in day out, sharing the same adventure and going on the same journey together which makes it such an intense experience – we all bonded and clicked, and maybe that’s why I’m finding it so hard to be without them all.
I think I’m also struggling because I haven’t had a ‘normal’ routine to go back to – I quit my job in order to travel and focus on my blog for the rest of this year, which I’m doing, and I’m so lucky to be in a position to be able to do so, but I’m finding it incredibly lonely and, at times, I’m struggling to adjust to my new life. So many people have said to me ‘oh you’re living the dream’ or ‘oh why are you moaning you don’t have work to get up for tomorrow’ and yeah, I get that, I see where they’re coming from, but at the same time I don’t have anyone around me during the days when I’m at my lowest point and I’m dwelling on the past. I don’t have anyone to have my lunch with, and I don’t have anyone to talk to if I’m feeling like things are getting on top of me.
Maybe I’m suffering from sort of mild depression, and I say that very very carefully, as I know depression is a terrible illness that affects so many people. I’ve dealt with a mild form of depression before; when I was 15 and I had eating problem and body issues, and then again when I was 21 and I dealt with my first heartbreak. At times I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I went through darkness where I cried for hours every single day, for weeks on end, and it took months for me to get back to the real me, and to feel as I had done in happier times. So I’m not saying this on the same level, or in any way comparable to people who have suffered with and have been diagnosed with real depression, but it’s kind of the only thing that describes the way I’ve been feeling lately.
I’m trying to cure my travel blues by keeping busy, focusing on my blog and developing my freelance writing jobs and of course by keeping active. I take my dog out for a walk every single day, and she keeps me company by sitting at my feet whilst I type away furiously on my laptop! I also see my friends as much as I can and I’m constantly texting/FaceTiming people so that keeps me busy, I guess I just need to fill my time and plan things to look forward to until I feel content enough to just relax and enjoy life. Maybe I’m just a bit nervous at the moment, what with not having a full time job and I’m wondering how I’m going to make a proper living, but I think I just need to take a step back and stop WORRYING! I find that so hard though, I worry about everything, I just can’t help it.
Sorry for the rant, it just helps sometimes for me to get things off my chest! Have any of you ever experienced post travel blues before, and have they ever been on this level? I’d be keen to know if such a thing actually exists, or if I’m just being plain stupid!
Please tell me if it’s real, or if it’s all in my head…
Love Jess x