Why I’m nervous about turning 25…
Happy Blue Monday everyone… Today is officially the most depressing day of the year! The weathers miserable outside, we’re all skint after Christmas and pay day feels like FOREVER AWAY. January is notoriously difficult for lots of people for lots of reasons, but I’ve always been a fan of Jan as its my birth month and I get so excited to have something to look forward to after Christmas! This year though, I feel completely different, and here’s a few reasons why…
So tomorrow is my 25th birthday. The big 2-5. Halfway to 50. Officially in the mid 20s. When the hell did THAT happen?! It only seems like yesterday I was running around in nappies, or running to get the school bus cos I was late, or running out of a club at the end of a night out as celebrated numerous birthdays past the age of 18. It’s true what they say, time goes by so fast, and I notice it more with each year that passes.
Why can’t I be this small and sparkly again 😭
Im usually excited about my birthday, I am excited about tomorrow as I’ve got an amazing day planned with my friends and family, but the age thing is really getting to me this time round. Last night I had a bit of a rant on Twitter – I was actually crying as I posted the thread – and I got a few things out my system.
Head to my Twitter @jessica16_x to see my little rant
By the age of 25, I always thought I’d have my life figured out. I thought I’d be married, or at least engaged, and I thought I’d have had my first baby by now. I thought I’d have bought a house, got on the property ladder, put down some roots. I thought all of these things because that’s what my mum did, and my two nans, and my aunties. By the age of 25 they’d all got married and had two kids. They’d bought a house, they had a family, and they were happy. I look at what my mum had and compare it to what I’ve got now and I just feel so incomplete. I don’t fit in to what she did, in fact I’ve never felt further away from it in my life. I’ve not met anyone I want to committ to, I’m nowhere near ready to buy a house and I’m definitely not close to having kids and that’s something that upsets me the most. Anyone that knows me will know that all I’ve ever really wanted to do in life is be a mum, and being so far away from that life at the moment is something that plays on my mind daily.
Love you mum – I hope I make you proud 💖
All my friends are either married/engaged/in long term relationships. Most of them have bought houses or are renting together and are either expecting children or are parents already. I’m so so different to them and it scares me. Yes I love my little life and travelling has and always will be my passion, and I’m so happy I can just hop on a plane without having to take a buggy or a changing kit with me, but deep down I know all I want is to have the family life my mum had and still has.
A lot has changed for us girls in the past 25 years. We have more opportunities now, we work more, we travel more and we see more of the world. I love that, and I’m proud to be born into an era where those things are normal. Looking at what I have achieved in my short 24 years on this planet does make me proud – I’ve ticked so many incredible things off my bucket list, bought 2 cars, built a career for myself and my blog and become a charity ambassador too. I’ve travelled by myself, made friends with strangers, faced my fears and pushed myself to the limit and I’ve done all those things with enormous pride and happiness, but I still feel apprehensive about turning 25 tomorrow for all the reasons I’ve mentioned above.
Looking at what I have done, not what I haven’t done, gives me my greatest sense of achievement
I think as we near 30 we worry that we haven’t got out life figured out yet – I know I certainly haven’t! I always thought I’d find someone straight away and that I’d live happily ever after, but I guess my fairytale just hasn’t happened yet…
So all in all I am looking forward to having a nice day with my nearest and dearest tomorrow, but I’m scared because I just don’t want to be another year older, and another year further from all the things I thought I’d have by now. Does anyone else get the quarter life crisis/ mid 20s anxiety? Quite a lot of you tweeted me yesterday after I had my little Twitter rant and your comments meant so much to me. Let me know if you’re feeling the way I’m feeling right now – it would be nice to know I’m not alone!
Love Jess X
I don’t know what’s next for me as I enter my 25th year, but here’s to making it an amazing 2018 🌟
