20 Reasons Why All Single Girls Should Learn to Love Themselves in Their 20s
The Heartbreak Hotel. We’ve all been there. We’ve checked in for a week or two. Some of us may have checked in for a few months, or maybe even longer. It seems that almost every 20-something girl has had her heart broken at least once in her little lifetime. Almost every girl has had to feel incomplete, or inadequate, after her asshole of a boyfriend cheated on her. Or left her because he ‘didn’t know where their relationship was going’ or ‘didn’t know what to do for the best’. There’s no way to sugar coat it – having your heart broken is the worst fucking thing in the entire world. It feels as if it has been pulled out from your chest, stamped on multiple times and shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, that achingly painful place where your heart once sat happily is now empty, missing, non-existent. Having your heart broken is even more painful if you’re a girl in your 20s. You’ve not long finished college/uni, you’re starting to take your first steps into the land of full time work and you’re feeling like you’ve got your whole life together when – BAM – you lose the love of your life and suddenly your whole world turns upside down…
You don’t eat, you don’t sleep and you can barely get up in the morning. You have no feelings, no excitement about planning your weekends, no wish to eat anything nice for dinner, no desire to think ahead further than the end of the day because it seems pretty pointless if your other half/lifepartner/soulmate/ best friend isn’t there to be with you. But you know what girls, there is someone better to spend your time with, and plan your days with. Someone you remember all too well but have never really got to know properly, the one that has been there for you all along. That person is YOU. You are the one who needs to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get on with your life. Life is a gift, use it, live it, treat every day as if it’s your last, and don’t waste your tears on guys who just don’t deserve them. I know not all guys are out to break our hearts but, in my experience, sadly most of them are. Your number one priority should be yourself. The best way to move on from your heartbreak and rebuild your life is to start focusing on YOU. Learn to love yourself, and the rest will all fall in to place. Here’s why…
You’ll work out what you really like
This is so true. Youâll learn things about yourself you didnât know, or had forgotten all that time ago. So you liked that restaurant because of itâs good food? WRONG â you liked that restaurant because you and him used to go there all the time. You donât need to go back there again, find somewhere new, think about what it is that you ACTUALLY like and start doing the things YOU want to do.
… and what you don’t like
Youâll also realise that you donât like a lot of stuff too, and thatâs ok. Itâs ok that you now hate that aftershave because it makes you think of him, and itâs ok that you no longer watch that TV show on Sky cos you used to watch it together on a Wednesday night. Go find yourself a new show to watch and make it your thing.
You’ll realise you can do whatever the hell you want
This is probably the single most important reason why you should learn to love yourself. I’m not saying you didnât do what you wanted to before, but a relationship is all about give and take. Itâs about compromise, and most of the time you probably let him watch the football instead of that new reality show because you didnât want an argument, but look at you now! You have allllll the channels to yourself and can watch whatever takes your fancy. Or why not go all out and choose your next holiday? YOU can choose where you go: how long for, who with (or without), what youâll do out there. The compromise is OVER and youâre an independent female who can conquer the world⌠I’m looking at you, miss solo traveller!
You’ll learn what’s important
When you get your heart broken you feel as if itâs the worst possible thing that could ever happen to you in your whole entire life. And yes, it sucks, itâs horrible and itâs awful and thereâs nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. But then you realise that there are horrible, awful things happening every day in the world that are so much worse. People get ill, people die, people lose loved ones. People are in accidents, theyâre at the wrong place at the wrong time, and in one split second their lives are over. Your life is not over. Yes, the life as you knew it is over, but your new one is only just beginning. Youâre getting the chance to start all over again. So many people would give anything to have a second chance at life, so take it. Thatâs when you realise the value of life, and how important it really is.
You’ll start looking after yourself
Loving yourself means that youâll really understand your body, and your mind. Youâll know when youâre feeling sad and youâll know how to make yourself feel better. Your body will listen to you. It will know when youâre getting overworked and will tell you when you need to chill out. Being by yourself is good for you, it enables you to enjoy your own company without the constant need to be surrounded by people, and this will do wonders for your self-esteem.
You’ll see things from a different point of view
Taking a step back and putting yourself first will allow you to look at things differently. With your new found confidence youâll be looking at things from a totally different view point and will realise what really matters, and what really doesnât matter at all.
You’ll give the best advice to people going through the same thing as you
You can now see things from another point of view, and this will enable you to offer so much advice to your girlfriends who are having a tough old time. Instead of letting them wallow in self-pity youâll tell them to get their best dress on, fix a smile on their face and get out there and have a whole lotta fun.
You’ll stop wasting time on people who don’t deserve you
You learn who your real friends are when something shit happens to you. There will be the ones who want to find out whatâs happened and will text you non-stop for days, but all theyâre after is the latest gossip and before you know it theyâve dropped you like a tonne of bricks! Um, we have no room for gossips and bitches in our new lives â CYA.
You’ll start living life more spontaneously
Life is for living, grab it with both hands. Now that youâre focusing on number one there are so many more things you can go and do.
…and you’ll have the courage to do things you only dreamed of previously
Want to road trip across America? Do it – I did! Want to interrail round Europe? Do it – I did that too! Want to work a summer season abroad? Do it! Ok I haven’t done that yet, but it’s on my list đ Your new found confidence will allow you to be more spontaneous and your life will instantly become a thousand times more exciting than it was before.
You’ll stop getting hurt so easily
Itâll take some time, but you might want to meet someone again a few months or years down the line, and youâll have learnt not to give yourself away so easily which will stop you getting so hurt! Us girls are good at protecting our feelings when weâve been let down before, so this is one of the best things to come out of a heart break.
You’ll appreciate the little things
Who knew a long hot soak in the bath could be so good for the soul? Or that a relaxing face mask and a big bar of chocolate could boost your mood in a matter of minutes? These small things will do wonders for your self-esteem, and your happiness levels will be up in no time.
You’ll stop comparing your life to others…
Itâs so easy to do this when youâre under confident, particularly when youâve had your heart broken. Youâre looking at all these couples settling down, having babies and getting engaged â WHO NEEDS TO SEE THAT ON THEIR FACEBOOK?! Admittedly, there is a (tiny) part of us are happy for them, but the other part of us just wants to wallow in self-pity and ignore all the happiness going on around us. Once youâve âfound yourselfâ youâll be able to deal with this whole comparison thing and youâll see that, although youâre not getting married or having kids anytime soon, youâre debt free, donât have to worry about bills and can live your frikkin life. As I’m literally the only single person in my entire friendship group, this is something I can completely relate to!
…and you won’t care what people think about yours
Say goodbye to those insecurities, the constant worry of what people think about you or are saying behind your back. When youâre full of self-love and confidence youâll realise that none of these things matter and can focus on what you care and think about, not what these people think about you.
You won’t care about things that don’t matter
As your confidence grows, youâll stop giving a crap about things that donât matter, and this will come from knowing yourself and what your priorities are.
You’ll be way more fun than the person you were before
Part of the reason learning to love yourself is so great is that youâll just appreciate and enjoy things way more than you did before. Youâll find new things to get excited about, new people to meet and new places to go, and youâll have so much fun along the way.
Your confidence will double
Hey miss sassy pants, yea Iâm talking to you! Own your new life and make it the best it can possibly be. Confidence is SUCH an attractive trait, and youâll have the guys queuing up.
You’ll become your own best friend, but your mum will still be your rock
So youâll be spending lots of time by yourself, and thatâs amazing and youâre the only person you think youâll need, but you do need other people too. Like your mum â sheâll be your go-to if youâre having a down day, or just want someone to moan to. And your friends and family members are important too â donât shut them out. They were complete rocks to me when my world fell apart, and they’ll never realise just how much they helped me.
You’ll become bigger and better than ever before…
If you can dream it, you can do it. Youâre going to have the most amazing life, and you have the most amazing future ahead of you, so dream big princess! If I can do it, you most certainly can.
… and you’ll finally feel 1000x happier
Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher. Put your best dress on and slip into those stilettos. Take that new profile pic and show everyone what you’re made of. Look good for yourself, no one else, you don’t need to impress anyone. In the words of Bieber – maybe you should go and love yourself. You got this girl, now go get your amazing life back.
All the single ladiesssss.
PS. All of these things have happened to me… And I have totally turned my life around. Living proof that learning to love yourself is the only thing a girl needs.
Thank you for sharing hun, really good advice. Although I’be single for a while I reckon I am only halfway through the process but what you are saying is spot on xx
I’m soo glad you like the post Emily, and that you can relate to it too! Time is the biggest healer – I promise everything will get better đ Jess x
Thanks for your comment Emily! Ahh it’s such a long process and it takes so much time, but hopefully these words have give you some positivity and helped a little! Time is the biggest healer <3 xx
Absolutely LOVEEEEE this post! I’m currently bookmarking this for a time I might need a big reminder đ Will be recommending this post to people if they get in this slump âşď¸